Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Esc.

Things have just been shit these few days.

Uni work..
Group assignments, just complete 0%, mother fuckers. For accounting have this viet guy, who is nerd, tries his hardest in all his subjects, studies, but I still get higher than him in the test. The thing is, he's in my group, and he call's me asking if I have started my part. I say, yea, I'll do it soon. Then he goes, yea, we all haven't started, but said that he tried starting it, and it was just too hard, and kept on leaving it. Okay, thats cool, thats stupid. He then goes to me, send me your part before 10 tomorrow, or I'll put you down as 0 contribution to the group assignment. Are you a fucking retard?, you haven't even started your part yourself, and you consider putting other people down for no contribution. Maybe if you were to act all leader like, you would've told me to start earlier, which I should have myself, but you don't put someone else down for 0 contribution when you go "I kept on leaving it because it was too hard". That pissed me off and I'm going to fucking go crazy if I get put down as a 0. Oh and its one of those weird viet guys. Same face as Jacky Chin, talks like him, acts like him, twitches, and just a fucking retard. That is what drives me nuts.
All other uni work has been pissing me off. I skipped economics last week, beacuse I didn't finish a marketing part. I am very behind in everything, and I don't even hope to pass some of the units. It's just so fucking stressful. My exams are in a little less than a month, and I know nothing. Economics, I missed all lectures since week 4, and don't GET jackshit, accounting, the NEW topics are just FUCKING crazy (failed my week11 quiz), BAS essay haven't started, and marketing, I have no IDEA whats going on. I'm totally breaking down. Either I have been procrastinating too much, or just being lazy, or maybe Uni is just not the thing for me.

For the past few days, I've been having deep thoughts of dropping out of uni, and continue working, and work through life of experience or something, not this uni shit. Uni really isn't the thing for me. I've had light talk to my parents about this situation, and they don't entirely agree, but my dad said if I come up with a business idea, or write a good business plan, he will be happy for me to leave uni. Anything is better than uni. Some nights I literally sit on the computer and bang my head against that table, pulling my hair out. I just dont FUCKING get it. I think I'm just a dropkick, too stupid for uni. It's wasting my time and wasting money.

Friends..
My personality is really shit. To be honest, my personality is weak. Even though I might be able to bash someone, or punch the shit out of someone, I just won't do it. I'm chicken?. On the party on Friday at Havana, Neon, nudged me on the shoulder. I pushed him back, and said fuck off dickhead. Well I've been hating Neon for the past.. what.. 3 years?. I pushed him again, then he goes, what you gonna do, I've got all my boys, outside, right here right now. What.. all those asian guys? I don't know, but I was pretty weak, I just walked off. For the past few days this incident just kept on making me think, what should I have done, should I have just punched him in the face, or what.. FUCK. SUCH a fucking tryhard. I guess, I wouldnt've punched him or anything, but whatever.
This blog is really getting personal, but it really makes me happier blogging it, instead of keeping it to myself.

Theres so many ppl that piss me off.
It might be just me, but I dunno.

There are just so many fucking retards in this world.

Work..
Work hasn't been great. It's getting repetitive as days go by. I'm getting so SICK of it. It's the same shit over and over again. It's just in and out, 8 hours go by. I don't know, I've lost all motivation. Work is just pointless now, apart from the fact of income.. lol , which is the whole point of work. I really just can't be fucked working. I lost family time, friends time, and most 'importantly' uni work time. I sometimes spend all shift thinking about uni work, and how I'm going to fail. Maybe it's time to look for a new job.
It seems I have problems with commitments. Oh well.

Richard told me his brother works @ Kirspy Kreme, and so he did. I saw him on Monday, and had a chat to him. Pretty random, but yea, he's just as cool as Richard. Lanky white guy, funny, and yea, "hey bro, come by and I'll hook you up with free donuts".

Anyway..
Another deep thought again, after this dropping out of uni shit, is just running the fuck away. Join the army. I really am considering it. It will fix up my personality, and might make me confident in life. But I didn't think too deeply. I was only thinking of going to another country, and starting a life out there. Going to the US, or England or something. I don't care, start bare minimum, no job, no place to live, but I want to experience my way up in life. That way, I will make the most of my life. I'd rather be sleeping in the gutter for a few months of my life, looking for a job, looking for income, and slowly building my way up. It may sound very stupid, but I am happy to do it. Though my parents would get weird about it.
Escape is my key world ESCAPE from everything.

Last week was pretty hectic. Assignments, work, and all that shit. Clubbing was alright , at Havana. Out side the club was preh weird. Gaybars, and guys holding hands, lesbians making out, trannies, and yea. Its Oxford Street.
Thursday was pretty random. I was late for uni that day, and randomly saw Frank at the train station. We ended up going to Parra nd chilled there for a while, because I already missed my tutorial when we got to Parra. Frank ended up jigging his Eco Tutorial too lol!. I also caught up with like Nickhuang/Revo/Jackiechan on friday.
But alot of things take my mind off things. But when I'm alone in the train, or just walking by myself somewhere, my head just goes crazy, thinking about this and that. It's really killing me.

ESCAPE!!

-Victor Xiong
p.s Shit long blog, but whatever. Soz.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

man commerce is fucking difficult as shit
you should have known that when you chose to do that course
it's definitely really demanding
but if you wanna do well you gotta be really focused and i know it's hard for you to do that when you're going through such a rough patch atm. but sometimes you just gotta pull through

running away is a temporary solution. besides if you do that then you'll never get any time with your family or friends.

as for your personality, it's not shit. there are times when you do illogical things but lots of people do that. dont be someone you're not. dont think you're boring because you're not. the reason i think you're a cool guy is the fact that you dont let what people say inflict you to the point you change and apretend to be smoeone you arent. you're just you and you're all chill about it. and you're geniuninely a really nice person which is another plus.

if you're wanting to get another job then by all means do so. just secure a job before you quit. besides you've got the necessary experience to try new stuff out.
anyways this comment was so long. i hope it helps.

Love,
Garmon LOL